R E V I V A L please ^

crash... goes my graduation yr

this is the third bloody time blogger deleted what i wrote on my post... like a 500 word post, and its all gone...

for the third, bloody time..

basically, my day collapsed on me..

i didnt receive the rigg scholarship..

i've bitched enough the last post, unfortunately its been deleted.

thats basically it. the rigg scholarship, is OUT OF MY HANDS, FOLKS!

the one reason why i even did art this year, over the other APs, because i was ASSURED (by my teacher might i add) THAT I WAS GOING TO RECEIVE THE RIGG!

and today at art class, my class mates were like, "hey ivan, did u get the rigg?"

"no, i didnt receive word about it."

"oh, i thought u were gonna get it. i mean ricky pai got it!"

w
t
f

yeah. ricky got it. i didnt. everyone else was expecting me to get it, not just myself.

"so ms oliver, i hear the riggs have been chosen."

"yeah, ricky got it."

didnt respond, just walk away.

"u know why u didnt get it, right?"

stop. try yo hear wat she has to say.

"because its about the time u put into it and the passion that we can see from it. and u've spent too much time on model un. its all about the choices we make right?"

walk away.

NO SHIT! ITS ABOUT THE CHOICES WE MAKE! i chose art over another AP, which would get me into a better university, because u bloody assured me i was going to get it!

...

i'm not going to argue with her, ricky deserves it. Everywhere he goes, he brings his camera with him. most of his time, he's either taking fotos or rendering them on his laptop. That is his passion. and i respect that.

but can i carry a canvas with me where ever i go? can i be painting everything i see? talk about understanding teachers. i know i've missed plenty of classes bacause of model un. but she cant hold that against me! the work i produce, and i can boldly say this, is still better than most of the guys in my grade! She knows it is herself! so i've missed a number of classes because of my other committments, but she shouldne hold that against me... i dunno...

.. choices... art was a TERRIBLE choice to make. damn it.. and i couldve taken another AP course. damn-it.



and it doesnt end there. the district scholarship was basically in my hands as well. ONE GRAND! and i promised my parents that i would get some form of a scholarship while i'm here, and i was assured of it! Everyone knows that the quality of work the past district scholars had is no where as good as the hopefuls this year. and that would include me. i had it! in my hands!

except...

only canadian citizens or PRs are eligible.

yeh... i'm not... i'm on student visa..

so BYE BYE RIGG! BYE BYE DISTRICT SCHOLARSHIP!

i've dissapointed my parents. and i know that. i've promised them these scholarships. i want them to be proud. and i know they are regardless, but i want them to have something to show their friends who cuss at them or sending them children abroad without first aquiring a scholarship. they need something tangible... and it slipped thru my hands

i'm going to graduate this year, all words and nothing to show for it to my parents.

i'm going to graduate with a course that i should have taken, and one less AP in my pocket. A sacrifice not worth taken.

i'm sorry, mom, pa.. i dont know how to explain it..
it feels like some kind of punishment for something that i've done wrong.

but i'm not going to graduate aquiring as many things as i could've.

choices
choices

posted by itan88 @ 11:59 AM